It seems like I’ve reverted back to being a Demonolatress these days. I do still have the Palo work going, the altars, etc. But I’ve gotten more attention from Demons. They have been listening more it seems. I don’t know if I could actually say I practice Demonolatry again, because of people who say I’m “not stable.” I am stable. I’ve spent at least seven years in Palo studies that have gone nowhere really. I’m no closer to initiation than I ever was. My old godfather won’t talk to me, he refused to. He doesn’t think I belong in Palo.
But…my current godfather says that’s bullshit. I don’t know anymore. My godfather barely talks to me. I feel like a second class citizen who doesn’t deserve to be talked to. I get NO advice. Fucking depressing.
So I go to the Demons for comfort. And for magic. They talk to me, they understand. Demonolatry is in my wheelhouse anyways. Am I coming back to it? If stuff doesn’t get better, I may.
My core beliefs have never changed. I’m not some wishy-washy person who “changes religions like their underwear.” The stress of not knowing Palo is making me go back to what I DO know. And I DO know Demons. I have the same feelings toward them, but in my other posts, it sounds like I don’t. I was covering up my true feelings so no one would know that Palo is not working for me right now, at least spiritually. I’m getting more satisfaction working with Demons…