My life as a Demonolator from about 2001-2008 was not a bad run. I just feel as though I missed a lot as a student. I believe I was too immature to see the forest from the trees. Now that I’m in my late 30’s, I can look back upon this period with some clarity. I know I was not an easy person to get along with, nor was I upholding some things I should have been. Also, what got me was a sense of entitlement. I shouldn’t have been looking for it. It should have come to me through hard work and time.
I was so screwed up, I couldn’t even use my inner thoughts/intuition when I needed to so badly and I couldn’t contact spirits for their wisdom at that point. Part of it was that I wasn’t encouraged to, but it’s not the fault here. The fault was that I was too busy being wrapped up into the whole ‘spirits are not reliable’ thing and that I wanted constant confirmation from other people that I was doing things right.
I squashed my gifts for a long time, because I thought that if I needed them, the Demons would lead me to them. I was looking to them to help me. When now I know I have to look to myself to conjure the right mood, the right spiritual atmosphere and develop trust in myself and in the spirits and Demons.
So, my split from Demonolatry wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine. Being hard headed and not listening to people, to spirits, to Demons. Getting stuck. I’m sorry it happened, but it taught me that I can’t test people like that and I need to rely on myself for spiritual confirmation. And to not worry about something as trivial as a rite of passage ritual when there are other things that should be looked at first and fixed.
Now, here is my video, which probably makes no sense. 😛 And yes, potato face.